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  • Activity: Think about a few things that you and your partner do WELL when it comes to communication. 
    • Make each other laugh a lot! 
    • Make your life work for what works for you (regardless of traditional roles for each parent)
    • Engage each other in interesting conversation (about world events, interesting articles, etc.)
    • Try to verbalize how you value each other in front of kids 
    • Thank each other....thank you for dinner.....thank you for how you handled that situation.....
  • Area of Growth in communication
    • Need better sleep schedules (to help with clearer communication!)
    • We are often perfectionists and sometimes keeps us from 
    • Need to focus on the positive side of things
    • Shutting each other out when 
    • Remember: your partner cannot read your mind, so you have to TELL them if something is bothering you!
    • Let something fester for a long time instead of just talking to partner right away. 
  • Don't think that the way that you do something if the ONLY/RIGHT way to do something
  • If you start comparing, the lists will be uneven and it is a NO WIN! Don't go down that path!
  • What the experts say
    • Practice I statements (turning criticisms into I statements focusing on feeling)
      • Ex: You never cook dinner --> I feel frustrated when you don’t cook dinner because I am mentally exhausted after work and need a beak a couple nights a week
      • Ex: You always drive fast -->I feel anxious when you drive fast because I worry you might have an accident.
    • Active listening: repeat back what you think you hear them saying and confirming you understand
      • Ex: “Okay, what I heard you say is that you’re feeling pretty burnt out my parenthood right now. Is that correct?”
    • Setting aside 5-10 minutes/day for meaningful dialogue
      • Discuss your feelings about each other, your life together, your marriage
      • If not every day, set aside an hour once a week
    • Learning to be vulnerable with each other
      • It’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. Vulnerability is a glue that holds intimate relationships together.
    • Discuss/validating feelings in the moment and move to problem solving later
      • “I can see that you’re upset because I forgot that today was my day to pick up the kids and it caused big problems and inconveniences.  I can see why you’d be upset.”

Action items

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      Think about one thing you’ll try in your relationship that you learned today

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