December 2, 2016: Managing Relationships with Partners

Topic

Strategies for managing healthy relationships and keeping communication clear with partners

Date

02 Dec 2016

Attendees

Presenter: Redd, Kathryn E

Other Attendees: Gonzalez, Andrea G Kayla Ford Myra Gibbs Eva Reavley Caroline Enriquez

Discussion Notes

Activity: Think about a few things that you and your partner do WELL when it comes to communication.
- Make each other laugh a lot!
- Make your life work for what works for you (regardless of traditional roles for each parent)
- Engage each other in interesting conversation (about world events, interesting articles, etc.)
- Try to verbalize how you value each other in front of kids
- Thank each other....thank you for dinner.....thank you for how you handled that situation.....
Area of Growth in communication
- Need better sleep schedules (to help with clearer communication!)
- We are often perfectionists and sometimes keeps us from
- Need to focus on the positive side of things
- Shutting each other out when
- Remember: your partner cannot read your mind, so you have to TELL them if something is bothering you!
- Let something fester for a long time instead of just talking to partner right away.
Don't think that the way that you do something if the ONLY/RIGHT way to do something
If you start comparing, the lists will be uneven and it is a NO WIN! Don't go down that path!
What the experts say
- Practice I statements (turning criticisms into I statements focusing on feeling)
  - Ex: You never cook dinner --> I feel frustrated when you don’t cook dinner because I am mentally exhausted after work and need a beak a couple nights a week
  - Ex: You always drive fast -->I feel anxious when you drive fast because I worry you might have an accident.
- Active listening: repeat back what you think you hear them saying and confirming you understand
  - Ex: “Okay, what I heard you say is that you’re feeling pretty burnt out my parenthood right now. Is that correct?”
- Setting aside 5-10 minutes/day for meaningful dialogue
  - Discuss your feelings about each other, your life together, your marriage
  - If not every day, set aside an hour once a week
- Learning to be vulnerable with each other
  - It’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. Vulnerability is a glue that holds intimate relationships together.
- Discuss/validating feelings in the moment and move to problem solving later
  - “I can see that you’re upset because I forgot that today was my day to pick up the kids and it caused big problems and inconveniences. I can see why you’d be upset.”

Action items

Think about one thing you’ll try in your relationship that you learned today

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