December 2, 2016: Managing Relationships with Partners

Topic

Strategies for managing healthy relationships and keeping communication clear with partners 

Date

Dec 2, 2016

Attendees

Presenter: @Kathryn Redd 

Other Attendees: @Gonzalez, Andrea G @Kayla Ford @Myra Gibbs @Eva Reavley @Caroline Enriquez

Discussion Notes

• Activity: Think about a few things that you and your partner do WELL when it comes to communication. 

  • Make each other laugh a lot! 

  • Make your life work for what works for you (regardless of traditional roles for each parent)

  • Engage each other in interesting conversation (about world events, interesting articles, etc.)

  • Try to verbalize how you value each other in front of kids 

  • Thank each other....thank you for dinner.....thank you for how you handled that situation.....

• Area of Growth in communication

  • Need better sleep schedules (to help with clearer communication!)

  • We are often perfectionists and sometimes keeps us from 

  • Need to focus on the positive side of things

  • Shutting each other out when 

  • Remember: your partner cannot read your mind, so you have to TELL them if something is bothering you!

  • Let something fester for a long time instead of just talking to partner right away. 

• Don't think that the way that you do something if the ONLY/RIGHT way to do something

• If you start comparing, the lists will be uneven and it is a NO WIN! Don't go down that path!

• What the experts say

  • Practice I statements (turning criticisms into I statements focusing on feeling)

    • Ex: You never cook dinner --> I feel frustrated when you don’t cook dinner because I am mentally exhausted after work and need a beak a couple nights a week

    • Ex: You always drive fast -->I feel anxious when you drive fast because I worry you might have an accident.

  • Active listening: repeat back what you think you hear them saying and confirming you understand

    • Ex: “Okay, what I heard you say is that you’re feeling pretty burnt out my parenthood right now. Is that correct?”

  • Setting aside 5-10 minutes/day for meaningful dialogue

    • Discuss your feelings about each other, your life together, your marriage

    • If not every day, set aside an hour once a week

  • Learning to be vulnerable with each other

    • It’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. Vulnerability is a glue that holds intimate relationships together.

  • Discuss/validating feelings in the moment and move to problem solving later

    • “I can see that you’re upset because I forgot that today was my day to pick up the kids and it caused big problems and inconveniences.  I can see why you’d be upset.”

Action items

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